David and Jonathan.

Dear imaginary weblog that I want to pretend no one reads but everyone does, and leaves comments... some rude.

How much BS can someone take? You know, people are so impressed by people who can talk. Talk a lot. I have done a lot of BSing in my day, as many of the people who I want to pretend aren't reading can testify to. Because of this, I have leared to see right through it. It is funny to see the things that people will say to make themselves to feel better and to make other people like them. You know, to prove a point to the choir that you already direct. It isn't necessary, this, BS... Okay, I will call it BC(rap), because I am trying to stop cussing. The only thing that is necessary is truth.

You think I am talking to you. This isn't about you, my life doesn't revolve around you... anymore.

I tried to make so many excuses about the person that I had become. I composed so many pretty lyrics to cover up the BS (get it?) that I was. But the truth is, the person that is left after you take away everything is... well... surprise... a human! I mistake in my case. My mom didn't intend on having me... but Biology has taught us all that when a boy and a girl... never mind you get it. But you know despite the kind of scrap metal that I am, I am learning to become something that is a little more useable, something, someone worth something more than my fantastic BC abilities, someone that God can be proud of... Like,

David. He killed more than a giant you know? He actually did a lot of stuff. No BC with him either. He was pretty clear. He stood for what was right, and he prevailed. His family hated him, His King hated him he didn't really have much going for him (he could write music, really really good, and push sheep around, but that's about it.) But you know, when others see a shephard boy, God can see a king. I have attempted to do a lot of Shepharding with my BC in my life, only to realize that sheep...er.. people don't really respond well to someone who is fake, who is on the surface...except the people who are doing the same thing!!! (It is what we like to call the "Plastics" You know, the fake people who say they are your friends but are sstabbing you in the back? Boo you whore.)

My favorite part of David's story is that he was so attuned to what was right ALMOST all the time. He followed his convictions, he listened to God and his plan. His best friend Jonathan was the person who was supposed to be the next King... but God actually wanted David to be the king... sucks to be jonathan... but despite all of this, the two friends always communicated perfectly with each other. Were honest about their feelings (even to the point of crying) and always were loyal, even when they were a part. Jonathan was almost killed by his father just because he stood up for David! How many of you care about your friends so much and are so loyal, that you would be willing to sacrifice your relationship with your parents to do the right thing? No one. Its hard! But when you strip away all the bull, you have the honest truth... and God. Not always easy, not always perfect, but always right... its a nice feeling.

I don't need comments. That is what Myspace before. If you would like to put something negative on here, go to someone elses page and make yourself feel smarter/cooler/wittier/whatever there. Here is just a place for thoughts for me.

I guess people do know this exists. Suck.

Does anyone know that this exists anymore?

Good.

I hope you are happy moving on with your life. I am. I am really proud of you and happy too. I know that I thought I was the best... maybe you did too. I know that I made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot. I know that I was blamed for most of them. I will take the blame. I feel bad, but not guilty. I am happy that I made mistakes. I was never allowed to, and I am glad that if there was one person; someone that I could make mistakes with, it was you. I am a little sad that I was dropped so suddenly considering it doesn't seem like someone should be condemned for mistakes, but honestly I know that so much has been gained from letting that past go. Its just what I needed. I am happy. Still working, still growing, but reasonably happy. I am allowed to be happy right? Must we play the blame game for the rest of our lives? I don't think so. If that were the case than you would have won that. Because I am all to blame, or because you did all the blaming? How much do we have to let go in our lives to gain that much more?  I guess it is a matter of letting everything go to God and just trusting that if we keep our hands open that He will take what He wants and gives what He wants. Funny thing is, I never thought you were the one to let illogical reasoning take you over. Im not angry. I never was. Hurt. But you know, despite a little ping of jealousy that lasted until people who truly love me let me know I was going to be okay, I am over that too. Good for you. Really good for you. Get married. Have a beautiful life. I pray that I get to see you in heaven. Really, because even though we probably will never worship again together here, I only pray that we will get to here. Funny that memories are so tattered by all the things you never admitted to me. I think I was an open book, I guess I am just going to make new memories.

It feels good talking to you. I know that you aren't listening, but I guess its okay. I am doing really well! I am going to finish touring this year. I am going home, to Colorado. Starting a new chapter in my life. Finishing college, like you told me too, of course. Maybe becoming a music pastor! I know, I don't deserve to be a pastor... Your right! Its a really good thing it's not up to me or anyone else to decide what I am going to do with my life huh! At least I still believe that. Just trying to walk the path that is laid out for me, like I have always done. I have learned so much in the last two years. I wish I got to share that with you. I wish you cared about me enough to... never mind. I have grown a lot you know. I know what it means to be a leader. A man... growing. learning. I am not sure what the future holds, but I am lucky/excited about everything that is going to be thrown at me anyway. I am going to make more mistakes! Im going to fail! YES! Because that means, I am still human. Thanks for reminding me of that. Im not trying to change anyone to suit me anymore! I am just trying to change myself. Lucky!

Maybe I will log a little more on here again, write my feelings a little bit. it might make me feel better. Like right now.

PS. Out of Eden broke up last August. I am a little sad about that.

My X-Men 3 Rant

Okay, I will be brief. The directing, screenplay, special effects were amazing. However it seemed like they were fighting to hard to give fans of the movies what they wanted for box office sucess, and as a true fan of the comics AND the movies, I was a little disapointed. While inconsistant in many areas, the first two movies still felt like they had the integrity of the comics at heart. This time, I felt like they swayed a little too much and lost the heart of X-Men a little bit. Steve, if you read this please make me feel better.

SPOILERS HERE: STOP READING IMMEDIATELY IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

Here is what left a stale taste in my mouth, a little overboard and geekish, I know:

Jean and Scott were supposed to get married and have a kid. Hmm, seeing as she killed him, not very possible.

Professor X killed? Please.

The Phoenix was a force that Jean did supress and lives to talk about it... Hmm.

Was spike a bad guy? Don't remember.

Marrow, is a girl.

Beast, is a scientiest and genius... NOT politician. Ugh.

Rogue and Bobby. That's all. Where the Heck was Gambit in the movies?

Apparently there is a video game that explains the amazing dissapearance of Nightcrawler. Although not mentioned once in the movie... instead they got Kelsey Grammar. Whoo.

I thought leech had control over his powers?

Rogue is supposed to get the ability to fly, and superstrength... not give up her powers. oh yeah, and have a southern accent.

They never once called Kitty Shadowcat.

Angel does get "cured" only to result in Arc Angel who was very very bad.

Oh well, I guess fans of the comics may not like it either. Other than that, it was a really really well done movie. I did like them giving Storm a little bigger of a part. Explaining how Jean came to the X-Men. Raven Darkholme... well you know... Juggernaut and Callisto were pretty cool... althoough I don't even remember her... and Bobby turning his body to Ice. That was cool.

Okay, rant concluded.

Currently Listening Into the Rush By Aly & AJ Rush see related

The End is coming, sad to say.

Ah, xanga...

The time is now upon us folks. I just don't have time or desire to blog on two spaces anymore. Plus, no one really reads this anymore, except people that I talk to on the phone pretty regularly anyway. Sorry guys. Its been fun, but I think that this is about it. I will comment on your sites from time to time I suppose. If you want to e-mail me, please feel free anytime at

cal4christ@hotmail.com

Peace!